By Natasha Barbolini

A few days ago, a friend of mine said something to me that was both incredibly profound and incredibly sad. I had realised I didn’t have her birthday written down in my diary, but when I asked, she refused to tell me. She explained that since her husband passed away, she didn’t celebrate her birthday anymore, because she felt that it was not an important day if there wasn’t that someone special to share it with. I felt like crying when I heard that. To me it felt like she was giving up on life. But it also got me thinking on what exactly birthdays mean to us, and why some people place a lot of importance on them, and some don’t.

For most Westerners, your birthday is your day, a unique day that you can claim as your very own, where others come together and celebrate the fact of your existence, giving you gifts and showing you how much you mean to them. Some people who have few close family or friends don’t bother to celebrate at all, preferring to simply treat the day as any other in the year. If a birthday is about other people valuing your existence, it makes sense not to celebrate if you don’t have anyone to share it with.

Many Europeans, being named after religious saints, prefer to celebrate their name days rather than their actual birthdays. So instead of having a unique day belonging “only” to you, you celebrate together with other relatives or friends who share your name day. However, associating yourself with a Being of Divinity confers the same, if not more importance on your existence.

Conversely, people without a calendar cannot record and celebrate individual birthdays. This would be people like the Kalahari Bushmen, indigenous hunter-gatherers that still live off the land. How do they feel valued and appreciated? Well, every person in the tribe, even young children, has individual responsibilities that contribute to the welfare of all. Men hunt, women gather and prepare food, make clothing and shelters, children look after their younger siblings, and the elderly serve as advisors and leaders. Every single person is needed or the tribe would not survive. So, in a sense, everyone’s existence is celebrated every day of the year. People intuitively know how important they are to those around them.

The core of Ubuntu means that you are a person through other people. None of us can exist without others - the final price for that would be not death, but extinction. Biologically and socially, it is completely natural to seek approval and love from other people; it makes us feel wanted and appreciated. But what about you valuing yourself ? What about feeling good that you exist? The truth is that no one else needs to reassure you of your value, look inside and find it for yourself. Only then will you begin to see it reflected in the eyes of others.

You are a child of the Universe
No less than the trees and the stars
You have a right to be here

~ Max Ehrmann, 1927